a week fatherless

Last week, I've got a lot of messages and so many missed call.
Unfortunately, last Thursday I left my phone at home.
I dont know how exactly to describe what I felt when I finally red those messages.
Oh God, it happened!
The most thing that I don't want to expect.
Message from home, told that my father has passed away.
Shocked. Confused. Have no clue to do anything.

Cry me a river.
On the plane, just couldnt stop the teardrops.
Pray. Asking Jesus not to take my father back to Him.
Landed safely, chased the time.

Thank Jesus, there was left time for me.
To hear his breathing. To feel the warmth of his body. To kiss his brow and cheek, softly.
Telling him that I really love him, used time efectively and requested his mercy for me.
Thank him for being my very best father.

He struggled for 4 hours, against the death.
I whispered him, "Just follow Jesus, Dad. Follow Him wherever He may go, whether back to us or back to Him".
I've ready to let him go, being home.

He had gone at 8.08 pm, or 8.20 pm in medically  time.
A father's struggle against his pain dedicated to his beloved wife and daughters.
Proving his love for us was the best proof he gave for us.

Thank you Daddy, for almost 25 years you have accompanied me.
For being my beloved guardian angel ever, in this mortal world.

See you soon in our immortal life :)
Thank you.


Love...your youngest daugther.

In Memoriam Fransiskus Xaverius Soegeng Harsono

27 Agustus 1945 - 13 Oktober 2011

dad.. i miss you

I dont know how I feel exactly now.
Less than a week ago He still alive.
I dont know why God took Him too soon from us.
Last week, I could kiss his hand and brow, softly and warm.
But now? He has already passed away.
So many words that left unsaid.
So many kisses that missed to cheer His day.
Daddy, I know you have already forgive me.
For my sin, my unpresence,  my stupidity, my humanity.
I'm so sorry.

I believe, you have stayed in Heaven, your origin, your destiny, Jesus' Home.
There is no pain, no tears, no fear, no lamentation.
Just joyful and peace, where Jesus becomes a King of King.

Rest In Peace Daddy..someday I will follow you.
Please, prepare some space for me in there.
And we will be together, again.

I miss you, and really LOVE you.
See you......

i wanna run to you

Dulu, pulang ke rumah hanya sebuah rutinitas.
Dari kecil hingga kuliah saya jalani di Semarang, di rumah saya.
Ketika suatu waktu saya memutuskan untuk bekerja di Jakarta,
saya baru tahu betapa berharganya "pulang ke rumah" itu.
Saya meninggalkan rumah hampir 2 tahun yang lalu, pulang ke Semarang hanya beberapa bulan sekali.

Saya masih ingat saya mencium tanganya Februari yang lalu, beliau masih tampak sehat.
Walapun saat itu saya tahu beliau sudah kesulitan berjalan, bahkan sering jatuh.
Sudah lama beliau juga pikun, suka menanyakan hal yang pernah dia tanyakan, berulangkali.
Bapak.
Dua bulan kemudian saya pulang kembali, tapi semua sudah tak sama lagi.
Bapak sudah tergolek di tempat tidur tak berdaya.
Beliau sudah tidak bisa berjalan, bahkan duduk, bicaranya juga sudah mulai mengigau.
Sempat beliau tidak mengenali saya.
Ya beliau ga mengenali saya..
"Kamu siapa?" kata Bapak saat saya menyapanya pagi itu.
Saya hanya bisa menangis, saya mungkin anak durhaka, pantas saja bapak melupakan saya.
Menyesal adalah hal yang sampai sekarang saya rasakan.
Ketika saya beranjak dewasa, saya dan bapak sudah tidak dekat.
Bapak saya pemarah sekali, terkadang kasar.
Saya pun mulai menjauh, terkadang hanya ada percakapan singkat.
Saya menyesal mengapa saat kemarin saya pulang saya tidak membantunya berjalan.
Padahal saya tahu Bapak ingin sekali berjalan.
Mengapa kemarin saya tidak berbincang lama dengan Bapak, ketika beliau masih mengerti yang saya ucapkan.
Padahal seharusnya saya bisa memaklumi, semua tindakan Bapak dilakukan karena beliau sedang sakit.
Sakit 20 tahun yang lalu, dan sampai sekarang masih hidup, itulah Mukjizat.
Tapi mengapa saya baru menyadarinya sekarang, ketika semuanya sudah terlambat.
Maafkan saya Bapak.

Bapak semakin lama semakin kehilangan kemampuan motorik dan mengingatnya.
Bulan April itu, Beliau ternyata masih mengingat saya.
Bulan Mei dan Juni saya masih sering mengunjungi Beliau.
Beliau masih bisa diajak berbicara, walaupun ingatannya hanya terpaku pada masa lalunya ketika masih muda.
Tapi Puji Tuhan, beliau masi ingat siapa anak-anaknya, masih mengingat beliau Katholik.
Masih mengingat doa Salam Maria dan Bapa Kami. Saat itu.
Semakin kemari, Bapak sudah tidak bisa seperti itu lagi.
Beliau hanya mengingau setiap waktu, berbicara sendiri. Susah tidur. Terkadang tidur sebentar, lalu terbangun dan mengigau lagi.
Katanya, beliau takut bila tidur.

Rumah.
Saat ini itulah tempat yang paling saya rindukan di dunia ini.
Saya usahakan setiap 2 minggu sekali saya pulang.
Jakarta - Semarang, jarak yang cukup jauh dan melelahkan. butuh biaya yang juga tidak sedikit.
Tapi demi Bapak tidak melupakan saya lagi,
demi bertemu Bapak, dan tentu saja bertemu Ibu yang setia merawat bapak, saya akan selalu kembali ke rumah.
Ke tempat di mana saya mendapatkan cinta kasih yang tulus, satu-satunya tempat dimana saya merasa disayangi.
Asalkan bisa melihat senyum Bapak, saya akan selalu.....pulang.

Percakan Senja :

Nia (Panggilan saya di rumah) : Bapak, iki sopo jal? (Bapak, ini siapa hayo?)

Bapak : Nia...

Nia : Nia iku anake sopo? (Nia itu anaknya siapa Pak?)

Bapak : Anake Pak Sugeng (Anaknya Pak Sugeng)

Puji Tuhan :)

The First and The Last (Tidung Island)

It's been a month since I've written my story about my trip to Tidung Island.Because of many obstacle such as broken computer and my laziness, I've to postpone to blogging ;p
Ok..this is the last part stories from my vacation on Tidung Island.
Enjoy it...... :)

Sunday, July 17th 2011
I woke up early in the morning just to see the sunrise with all of my friend.
But the boys were still sleeping, so just the girls went to the beach.
Dayu decided to not join us and keep staying in homestay.
Ajeng, Nunik, Aziva, and I went to The Bridge of Love with riding a bicycle.
I'd just realized that the distance from our homestay is not too far from The Bridge of Love.
Because last night we had rounded the island by boat when we had to go back to the dock after playing on. I've thought that the bridge was so far enough.
Access road to the bridge is very easy to be reached, just follow the straight road along the coast.
It took for about less than fifteen minutes, but depends on its crowds.
Almost visitor wanna watch the sunrise and play some waterspot (we usually use it to called "permainan air", right?)
The roads on Tidung Island mostly isn't wide, only able to pass of two bicycle side by side.


Arriving at The Bridge of Love, we saw that there was so many people in the beach.
Because of its crowded we decided to go back to enjoy our breakfast.
But...as usual as women do when we found the best spot, we stopped at a deserted beach to take some photograph.
While watching sunrise that i thought was not beautiful enough as we saw in Bali, we took some pictures together at there.

Finished take the picture, we went back to homestay.
The guys busy to watch Copa Amerika, including Dayu too :)
Aik must be returned to Jakarta because he had some works to do out.
For the breakfast we had nasi uduk, though it's just simple dish but we were really enjoy it. Is that right, guys? :))
Hmmm..same with condition yesterday, we had Mas Mayong too late this morning because he must seek bicycle for us.
After having bicycle, we immediately went to The Bridge of Love together.
There was little accident when Aldiles Pongge (Bongkrek's friend) separate from us, his bike chain was broken. Infact, he was so close to the bridge.
Mas Mayong fixed promptly the bike, but it still didn't work. So, he gave his bike to Pongge and then brought his own back to the bike rental. So sorry mas :))

At the Bridge we agreed to split, and did whatever we want but must come back to homestay before 11 AM.
The girls played banana boat, the boys enjoyed Tidung Kecil Island.

Suggestion : don't forget to use sunblock and wear hat if it is neccesary :)

To be able to play banana boat we have to pay IDR 35.OOO/person.
We can also enjoy canoeing with the same charge.
To be noticed, before playing banana boat we have to register first, so many people have to queue.
Actually we want to play yesterday but because its queue then we decided to play this morning.
The worst part was the guards, a young lady, she was not friendly at all. Sigh.

Suggestion : if you don't wanna wait for the queue (and get mad :p) , pick the tour package that including banana boat.

The boat was not too big, and its speed wasn't too fast.
I thought that it wasn't scary enough like we played in Bali.
(red. I always compare with Bali as I never played waterspot in other place :p)
And then.....byuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuur

 But it was delightful anyway ;))

After satisfied played banana boat, we explored Tidung Kecil Island.
The mission was to ask Bongkrek to capture our picture with his DSLR :)
It was sunny day, we felt so excited to enjoy the exploration, not worry to be sunburned.
We passed the bridge and down the island.
Tidung Kecil Island is famous for its mangroves although its beach is so dirty.

Nunik Listyorini

 

 

The sun was getting high, we must back to homestay because the ship that brought us leave to Jakarta will board at 12 PM.
Checking its clear from left goods, we immediately leave for dock.
Mas Mayong got us to hurry to go, but what we faced was just a trouble.
The Ship was damaged, its engine didn't work. I took an hour at least. Fiuh.
It was so hot and sunny at there.
Thx God, the ship had ready to board finally.

I swear it, this shipping was very unpleasant.
It was so windy and the waves were so strong so it made the ship wiggled.
Made you want to throw up and felt bad dizzy.
For 3 hours all the passengers survived with such conditions, some got to throw up, some just never stop complaining, most of all fell asleep.

The here is the end of the stories..
Arriving at Muara Angke, we immediately looking for public transportation that can bring us back to ourself hometown.
The car is same with we used when we reached Muara Angke; Red Car (IDR 2000-3000) then Busway or Kopami 02 Senen-Muara Karang (IDR 2000).

It was unforgettable holiday for me - met new people, snorkeling - have a funtastic moment with you guys.
Thanks for all the laughter and memorable pictures :))
Hope we can join traveling together, a better one.

Sayonara.

Note : In summary, Tidung Island is not an island that is special one, it has dirty beaches, its snorkeling spot is not too good.
But as long as we go there with the people we love, everything will be wonderful.
Whoever had never been there, just please try and enjoy the moment :)

Miss Universe 2011 memorable quote

The Enchanted Leila Lopes (Angola)

Thank God I'm very satisfied with the way God created me and I wouldn't change a thing, I consider myself a woman endowed with inner beauty. I have acquired many wonderful principles from my family and I intend to follow these for the rest of my life.

I would not change my religion just to marry the person I love

Reposted.

MANILA, Philippines (UPDATED) - Shamcey Supsup, the reigning Bb. Pilipinas beauty titlist, said she would not change her religion just to marry the person she loves.
In the Q&A portion of the Miss Universe 2011 contest, Supsup was asked by judge Vivica A. Fox if she would change her religion to marry the one she loves.

"If I had to change my religious beliefs, I would not marry the person that I love because the first person that I love is God who created me and I have my faith and my principles and this is what makes me who I am. And if that person loves me, he should love my God too,"

Supsup is among the top 5 contestants of the Miss Universe 2011 pageant. She topped the final fan ranking of the pageant with 7.5 of the online votes.
Supsup hails from General Santos City, the hometown of international boxing icon, Manny Pacquiao.
The Filipina beauty graduated magna cum laude from the University of the Philippines-Diliman with a degree in architecture. She also topped the June 2010 Architecture Licensure Examination in July 2010.

http://www.abs-cbnnews.com/entertainment/09/13/11/shamcey-person-i-marry-should-love-my-god

what's wrong with me?

 a chit chat while waiting for choir practice at Sint Mathias last friday.

Me : tadi kamu sama siapa ke sini?
Christin : dianter sodara mba..kalo mba?
Me : sendiri, naik angkot.
Christin : ga dianter pacar mba?
Me : aku ga punya pacar dek.
Christin : masa mba ga punya pacar?
Me : lah kamu ga percaya?
Christin : engga....
Me : smile (Sigh...)

talk to my self : not even you do not believe it, I do not believe it too that I did not have a boyfriend.

Su*ks!

One Day in Your Life (Tidung Island)

Saturday, July 16, 2011

We gathered at Port area waiting for someone who will be our tour guide. Then he is Mas Mayong.
After that he delivered us to our homestay. According to friends, homestay images sent via email was not the same as the homestay that we will live for.
But no problem because I think we were quite comfortable homestay.  Its shaped like a regular house, with 2 bedrooms and there is air conditioned, TV, 2 bathrooms, prayer room and kitchen, and the well for bonus. LOL. Actually, we supposed to do snorkeling but Mas Mayong said that the snorkeling was delayed in the morning because this afternoon snokling equipment was wear out, due to its full of visitors.
Finally we agreed to ride bycicle together and hunting spots to see the sunset at the Bridge of  Love (Jembatan Cinta). Lunch we were eat just like home cooking, Sayur Asem and Mujahir fried, plus chili and crackers (kerupuk). It feels pretty good, but the portions are very less for the 13 people who 8 of them were men. Sigh. LOL.

Suggestion : bring the bread since in the morning we have no breakfast and for the lunch I am not sure it will be enough to satisfied your "hungry" :D

As we were relaxing, our tour guide came and told us that the snorkeling will be held this afternoon. Immediately we were all getting ready, the important thing is to wear sunblock. The most sacred of goods during the Tidung Island. Remember SUNBLOCK!
Once all was ready we headed to the place of snorkeling equipment rental, we chose goggles and frog legs to the size pre-booked. After all got each tool, we then headed for the dock. Apparently after the dock, we have to wait long for another group that also joined our ship, they was late. One more disappointing point from our tour service. Always late.
After they came, the board immediately start to reach the snorkeling area, it took about 15 minutes from the Tidung Island.
Then finally, we had snorkeling.

For me, it was my first time to do snorkeling. It was very ridiculous. Seriously, what do you expect for someone can not swim, scare of deep and vast ocean. Yes, Me and My Fears.
But I really enjoyed those memorable moment. We all laughed, we swam, we cared each other, we together.

Cuz I just swam near the board, i didn't know how it was look. But my friends that ever doing snorkeling before said that there was not enough beautiful to snorkeling. Less of fish, just an ordinary fish. Corals that are not too good. Far from our imagined.
Unfortunately, we just had one spot to explore, the sun was getting high, so we had to hurry to visit sunset spot, Bridge of Love.

Sugesstion : Before snorkeling do not forget to apply your sunblock and do it again after finishing snorkeling. There was seem not to hot in the water, but it still burned.

Tidung island is famous for its Bridge of Love, its length may reach 500 meters. There is a spot where we can jump into the sea, it is only 7 feet high, but looks scary. I forgot who was exactly jump in, I remembered Ajeng, Nunik, Aziva, and Aik. How about me? Don't ask!

Fikri Rosano Arrachman

Tidung Island consists of two islands, the larger and the smaller. I don't know its name in English, Pulau Tidung Besar where we lived it, and Pulau Tidung Kecil which is where the cultivation of mangroves.
To reach Pulau Tidung Kecil we have to cross the bridge, walked for about 15 minutes or less.
Honestly, Pulau Tidung Kecil is not kind of beautiful island in my mind. Dirty. Dirty sand, and its water also. The long journey that ultimately are not satisfied after tiring walk.
But, the worst is the sunset. Oh my, it was ordinary sunset. Much different from what we saw in Bali. Dissapointing moment.

Faisal Ardi Photograph.

In the evening we were getting ready to barbeque time on the beach.
For dinner we had Soup and Fried Chicken, still with chilli and Crackers, but actually, our luch dish was taste better than this.
Once more, Mas Mayong came late. It was 8 o'clock when we went to the beach.
The spot was not comfortable because very dark. But never mind, we faced the ocean.
Was it romantic when it is saturday nite, wasn't?
While Mas Mayong grilled the fish, we stared the stars, argued about "kapal pesiar atau kandang ayam". LOL. Weird conversation among us. And some too busy to take a photograph.
In my opinion, about our tourguide, he is kind of people that can not get angry. Even we always complaining him. He is kind, I had felt guilty too, cuz we like ignoring him.
Patiently, He grilled fish for us, we didn't help him but just asking when the fish ready to eat. We feel so sorry mas :))
Unfortunately I do not have any pictures of Mas Mayong. Mas Mayong who loves to live in Tidung Island, never complaining about his job. Kind of Great Man.

Moral Message : Respect others who helping you much! :)

That Saturday night was a beautiful night in the end. There was a fireworks show from others visitor.
I always love fireworks, glow in the dark. Thank God I enjoyed this moment with many friends who cares for each other, I think :).
Thank for let me joining this fun travelling. I will never forget you all.

Cause baby you're a firework. Come on, show 'em what you're worth. Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh" As you shoot across the sky. (Katy Perry - Firework)

Faisal Ardi

Fikri Rosano Arrachman

 Thanks for Fireworks!

Pursuit of Happiness (Tidung Island)

About 2 weeks ago, I was on vacation to The Tidung Island.
 I've long been planning to go to there which is part of the cluster of the Thousand Islands.
 Fortunately, my high school friend, Ajeng, want to go there with her friends. 
I ask her soon to joining their travelling. 
With only IDR 250,000,00, we can take a two day and one night enjoying the place. 
And then my pursuit of happines begins ;)



Saturday, July 16, 2011  
To reach Tidung Island, we had boarded the boat from the Port of Muara Angke.

Information :  The participants normally required to gathered in the harbor at 6:00 o'clock and most late at 07:00 o'clock.

My starting point is from Senen Bus Station. Public transportation that we were riding is Kopami 02, Senen - Muara Karang. The last stop is just at Muara Karang, to continue our journey to Muara Angke, we have to use KWK 01. As a notice, on weekend, Muara Angke extremely crowded conditions, moreover Muara Angke is also the famous Fish Market in Jakarta. Can be ensured from the front gate Muara Angke there will be held traffic jam. Our car should stop riding right on the Muara Angke Gas Station, because The Port are located just behind the Gas Station. Eventually we had to walk from front gate to the Port Entrance.

Suggestions : Wear flip-flops or ordinary sandals, because Muara Angke condition is very muddy and dirty. Yak!

Because most of our friends are not come from Jakarta, we had agreed to meet at the Gas Station. The situation at the Gas Station was very crowded, a friend make a joke which said that it's like everybody want to watch Wali Band Concert. LOL!

Suggestions : Do not drink too much, because if you want to pee, toilet queues at Gas Station just as the queue groceries. Fiufff!

We seek immediately the Committee of the Tour that we use, the service was very disappointing.
My friend, Aziva, as the group leader has been transferred the down payment for us, but the committee has not been recorded, but Thanks God, fortunately we can still go.
We waited long enough at the Gas Station until finally we were commanded to to boat.
The condition of the boat is have 2 level, a medium-sized, quite scary because such a small boat ride over fifty person.
And the Life Jacket is not enough for the passengers that much. Sigh.
After looking for good positions in the boat, it turns out we had to wait quite a while before the boat departed.
From the schedule we were supposed to depart at 7:00 o'clock, but we went at 9:00 o'clock.

Suggestion : Do not sit at the top of the boat if you not brave enough and scare about being burned. It's very windy and exposed to direct sun exposure. Very HOT!

To reach Tidung Island it takes about 3 hours.
Fortunately the condition is not high waves and wind is not too tight.
On the way, most of the passengers just rested and slept.
At about 12 o'clock, we got at Tidung Island Port.

We surely capture the moment with took a picture under the gate of  Tidung Island. 

Suggestions : Tidung is very hot, when in the ship you have to use Sunblock before, and do not forget to wear hats, use umbrella is well allowed ;))

Want to know what excitement we experienced on Tidung Island ? 
Look forward to my next blog, chao :))

Life After Love (Unfinished)

Many lessons I take from this broke up.
It's hard to admit that I've completely forgotten about him.
Every time they always crossed in my mind that hurt me so much.
The one i love having an affair with another woman.
And I think they deserve my hate.
Many things I have to keep secret, the reason why I hardly to forgive them.
Let's just me and God knows.
Possible to forgive and let them together would be easier as time goes by.
The most difficult part is to forgive myself.
Why I have to love him too much, believed to all his promise, thus giving him all my life.
Honestly, when I lose it is not actually lose him, but fall out of love, trust, caring, friend to rely on, a shoulder to cry on, the pouring of anger, happiness, even lost myself.

Don’t ever want to make the one you love your everything, because when his gone, you’ll have nothing.

My friend said : everyone ever being cheated, just think that it's time for you.
So, like smallpox, everyone must have experienced.
Okay .. so unfair that it would, because smallpox was only once in a lifetime, and when i was child I've experienced it.
And now it happen on me again? Sucks! 

You know what sucks? Realizing that everything you believe in is complete and utter bulshit. -Tom Hansen-

I do not know whether the future will be easy to open my hearts for another man.
This makes my confidence down drastically. My self esteem is drowning. 
From the middle, is now very low.
I knew I was not pretty enough, so he chosed the more beautiful.
I know my job is so ordinary, not challenging, then he chosed who worked in the finance ministry.
The point I was a nobody compared to his new woman.
Although I feel I am more fortunate because I am separated from my ex's.
Hey lady, if you want to grab someone's boyfriends, pick a good ones? Uuupppss 
NO OFFENSE :)
 
I GIVE UP! 
Actually more toward the loss of hope, loss of dreams. 
No more hoping that someone would love me again sincerely.
I'm not pretty, short, not rich, my jobs is flat, and i am really annoying. 
I don't believe love anymore. It doesn't exist for me.

Don't worry, i still have the passion of life.
Because life is not merely a matter of getting a life partner.
I believe in fate, to God.
Someday when the time had come, God will bring me to the right man, in the right place, in the right time.
Probably not the best, because I'm also not a good girl.
But whatever it is, not about what I desire, but what You desire, my Lord. I'm Yours. 
I just move on, because my story is not over here.....
Fin.

 Sincerely, my brokenhearted.

moral lesson of today :)

That's why i bring my mirror everywhere i go.

To reminds me so that i don't dream to high, not to hope beyond reality.

Be a realistic one.